Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
