We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
