Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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