I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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