apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
