you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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