I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
