I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
