Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
