Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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