Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize