And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
