I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
