piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All the doctor said was why
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize