yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
