It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
