U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
