Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
