I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
