The maid of honor just puked.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
