She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
