Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
