O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
