if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize