A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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