If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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