Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize