I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
