he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
