I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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