guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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