Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
