Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
