Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
