I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Holy shit dude........stairs
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