Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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