You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
