I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
