thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
