My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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