Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
