dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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