Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
