Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
