how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
