I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize