plz talk dirty to me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
