If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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