I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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