You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
