My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
