If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
