Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
