I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize