hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
