I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
