Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
