mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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