I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
