And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
