1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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