She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
