do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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