Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
