Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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