if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize