now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
