i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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