I swear god or herbie drove my car home
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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