Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
