We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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