she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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