At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
