I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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